Life gave me some lemons so I made some lemonade... At 1.30am... Because I was still awake...

Here's a little somethin' somethin' for you to ponder upon; I can't sleep of late, and im not 100% why this is... I've got a bit on my mind at the moment, sure, but thats not all it! Look, I'm going to play the good ol blame game here and throw a lot of it on to the weather!!! 

Now, I haven't been blogging as much of late because I've been in one of those moods where you just want to whinge about everything whenever you sit down to your computer... But that's not me... Only sometimes- Times like when life decides to have a few seagulls shit on your head while your yawning in the middle of an earthquake, so all the shit drips down into your mouth... Which is basically what's been going on... Silver lining- things are picking up. Slowly. Opposite of silver lining- IM STILL NOT SLEEPING! 

Yep, so the weather! 

Dont get me wrong here, I'm a big fan of summer... When i have full access to air conditioned rooms and ice cubes... But I swear to god, its getting hotter and hotter by the day and I just can't deal. And it's not even at its peak yet. So I take that back, I'm a fan of winter, and summer can go eat a mammoth sos-eige. 

The worst part is that because its still just getting into the warm seasons, at night time when you go to bed you still can sleep with the blankets on as long as you have a fan on (no need for air on at nights just yet)... Which is a great plan as long as you are happy to be freezing your ass off at like 5am!!! This is where the problem lays. 

Naturally, you get up and turn the fan off.. BEEERRRMMMPPP!!!! There's your first mistake, because now its 5.05am and you're sweating your guts out... So you get up and turn your fan back on... Then all is well for maybe an hour while you sleep under the covers but wit the fan pumping... Then what do you know, you're awake in a pool of sweat, so you kick off the blankets... But because you're all wet from sweating and the wind from the fan is blowing on you, now you're cold again.. DAFUQ ARE YOU MEANT TO DO!! Because at this point you're wide awake and hating on everyone! 

So not only have I not been able to get to sleep till some insane hour of the morning, now I'm awake at frigging 6.30am feeling sticky and confused and a little bit hungry, AND a whole lot tired! 

Whatever life. Whatever! 

On other matters, jake off Two And A Half Men has gotten redick good looking. Yep, do you know how I know that... BECAUSE I CAN'T SLEEP AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MYSELF THEN WATCH TV.

Seriously.  

I think I'm a disgrace...

I'm not sure if I'm blurring the lines of what is and what isn't socially acceptable when I decided to spend my entire Sunday in my back yard dancing by myself in my bra and undies, while spraying a hose in the sky and making it rain....
These, are the days of my life.

I'm back for a pitty party.

Long time no speak!!
I've been MIA from the blogging world for a few months, but all for a good reason. I've travelled a little and had some me time. It's been super exciting. But enough of that, let's get straight into things... And what a better way to start getting back into the swing of it then to start with a good ol rant.

So I'm not so much of a needy person. I don't ask for much and I'm pretty much down to do whatever, whenever. That being said, it really goddam grinds my gears when people take advantage of me! Not to talk myself up or anything, bu I'm pretty chill, so I can get over it with most things BUT I am beginning to think that there is some kind of vendetta out on me when it comes to the opposite sex. Seriously! I genuinely cannot win!!! I clearly seem okay to start with because I can get guys, I just can't keep them, goddammit!!
I'm like a modern day Juliette... I get what I want, he hangs out with me for like a week and decides he loves me ( I use the term 'love' loosely) and then dies (by 'die' I mean bails) on me!!!!!,
Like c'mon, I'm a nice lady... Admittedly, I'm not very domestic so I can't cook or clean for you or fulfill basic woman duties, but I make up for it in being a hoot!
My point here today is that I just don't understand what guys these days want. Maybe I should try and be the crazy stalker girl who wants to know your every move and whereabouts. Becsuse no matter what, it seems they get whatever they want and doesn't die on them regularly.so I dunno,  I mean, I don't really care about either of those things- Knowing where and what's going on that is -, but I mean, if that's what guys these days wants then sure, I guess I'll just have to turn physco on everyone's ass.
And what ever happened to morals anyways!! I don't do the whole seeing multiple people at a time thing because, well, besides the fact it just gets confusing, I just genuinely don't see the point in playing with more than one persons emotions. It's draining. HOW DO GUYS DO THIS???
I'm not nieve, I know that there are girls out there who do the whole dicking around thing too but I don't care about that because I'm not doing it and I'm not a les... Even though I may have to consider it as guys frigging suck!!!!
Whatever.  I'm sick of ranting now. I going to spend time with my one and only true love.... My tv.

(I'm not nieve, I know girls do it too but I don't so I don't care to bitch about that...)
Look, I'm sorry, I'm just having a giant pitty party right now. I need wine, but I bought an iPad today so I'm a poor bitch. And I can't be bothered to drive anywhere to get wine anyways because I'm lazy. WAAAAHHHHHH this is a terrible start to getting back into blogging.
It's not half as entertaining as my others have been. IM SORRY!!!! I swear I'll do better next time.

Flap those wings* and make it pop!

Regardless of what people say it has come to my attention that when it comes to the art of "wing-manning", girls out weigh boys to a great extreme. That being said, I think it all comes down to an understanding.
Now I am a single lady in the big city right, but I dont go out with the intention to pull every guy that I speak to. That being said, when I am interested in someone, I take very little pleasure in receiving assistance in getting what I want. Now that's just me, and that's cool, I get that. Everyone needs a helping hand here and there, sure.
So the good thing for me in this situation is that while I do have girl friends, I have a lot more guy friends. And i am more of an observer when out on the playing field, which as a result allows me to observe a lot of man for man wing-manning.
So let's just start off with the basics here. Girls don't really "wing-man" each other. Generally it's a pretty straight forward 'you're on your own, so get flirting' moto. Occasionally you'll have a girl friend who will hook another girl up with a guy in the sense that they talk them up etc, and arrange a little accidental-run-in somewhere. But that's about the gist of it. Give or take a few situations of course.

Okay so I take a lot of pride in the fact that I am a spectacular wing-man, but only for the fact that I have mastered the art of knowing when and when not to leave the vicinity in which said-friend is in the process of picking up (aka. Going in for the kill). Male or female. So I'm not going to rave on about how to do your job as a wing-man or anything, but this needs to be said- if you are a genuinely shit wing-man, shut the hell up and stop claiming your the best!! Like, I have no fancy tricks or anything but my technique works. If yours doesn't, just shut up. If you aren't even moral support, then shut your pie hole!
So, like I said before, wing manning isn't a big issue for girls but boys, it's a different story. Guys need all the help they can get because they are so hesitant with everything- actually "hesitant" isn't the the right word.- I think that guys just like the reassurance that they are going for something good. Which, again, there's no harm in that. I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends if it looks good on you first, right? (HA! SOLID MEAN GIRLS QUOTE, YOU'RE WELCOME!!)
My point is; so many guys who have a wing-man fall victim to having their wing man flap their wings straight into the arms of the prey. It's basically like being an indian giver. Its like saying "don't worry bro, I got this for you, but I'm probably going to swoop in on it later" *pun intended.
So heres a news flash for all said wing-men out there... MISTER WING MAN, YOUR JOB IS TO BE THE MUMMA BIRD AND GO SEEK OUT DINNER FOR YOUR BABY BIRD, YEAH YOU MIGHT CHEW IT UP A LITTLE BUT YOU'RE MEANT TO SPIT IT RIGHT INTO YOUR BABIES MOUTH!!!! NOT GET ITS HOPES UP WHILE YOU CHEW AND THEN "ACCIDENTALLY" SWALLOW IT!!!
Dammit meg! It drives me crazy. And I see it time and time again. I just don't understand. Why have a wing-man every week if you know what's going to happen! Just get your shit together and work it out yourself. C'mon, girls may not have everything worked out completely right, but we totally have this one in the bag.

*****Please refer to previous post if you think this is aimed solely at you... You may have just added to my complete confusion... ;) <3*****

You're shit because you think you're shit.

The two best parts about writing a blog that has a lot of people reading it is the suspense that I'm able to build through being lazy thus resulting in sparse posts and the fact that I'm forever being interrogated as to who I'm writing about... It's great.
It's like I'm flattering people without actually flattering people. It's like meeting someone and looking up at them from my donut 20 minutes after being introduced to them to reveal that i have a magical unicorn horn. Its like getting let into the good ol' pearly gates after doing a good deed that someone else did!!!!!!!!! I'm getting carried away, I know, but c'monnnn!
I don't mean to give you the impression that I'm writing about you, in fact, I don't even know why you think I am. IN FACT, I don't even know of its a good thing that you're asking me!!
But this is my logic, so let's be real for a second. I generally write about shit; So do yourself a favor and ask that little self conscience of yours this, 'Do I think I'm generally shit?'.. Because every time someone asks me if a post is about them, it's basically telling me you have low self esteem because I write shit and you think my shit is about you, therefore you must think you're shit!... Even if you don't... I don't really care... That's just how it is!
ACTUALLY and on that note, for all you boys that think my 'girls gone not so wild' post is about you, NUFF SAID!!!!!
Excuse me for my profanities, but Holy Dicktits! While its about no one person in particular, when you ask me if it's about you, ask yourself why you would be asking me if it's about you if you've never done any of those asshole things I wrote about.. And if you have done one or two of them, or maybe all of them.. Than yes, it's is exactly about you. And you have a rite to know that you're a right cockhead. So you're welcome!

Now let the suspense cook up deep inside your bellies until you're just about ready to explode. Bake for 10 minutes then wait to cool for another 10 minutes. Once I've rid myself of lazy you may serve to guests.

Justify justify justify

So it's been ages since I last wrote anything. And that's basically because of a few things. First because in general, I'm hella lazy. Secondly because I bought a onesie. And finally because it's getting colder so naturally that means I'm going into hibernation mode. Which in itself means that my brain will consequently turn off all logic thinking and thought in general will fade into oblivion... Like powder?..
I was going to write about how we should all have a little appreciation for sluts. But then I'd be here for a while, so I'll save that subject for another day. Then I thought if write about the book I'm reading which is basically about hardcore sex and bondage...
But all in all, I have nothing of importance to say at the moment, so here is a picture of a cat in a chicken costume... Because we all know that, that is something we can all appreciate!

Forever looking 100% not sexy!

You know what really grinds my gears! And I'm going to use a lot of explanation marks to make my point here!! I'm sure other girls will agree.
I don't understand how one can wake up in the morning, get ready, look in the mirror and be like "hell yeah, I look dayum fine", go out for an hour or two, come home, look in the mirror and HOLY DICK! It looks like you've been shot in the face with a crayon cannon.
Seriously, whats the deal!!! And it only happens when you want to look good for one reason or another!!!
Example; I wake up pretty early to go to work  and leave my house at about 6:15am looking probably not amazing but at least decent to tackle the world (not that I need to look a billion dollars to go to work or anything but you know, it would be nice sometimes). At about 10am I have morning tea and make a coffee in which I walk past a little mirror. Naturally I cant help but to take a sneaky little peak. FALSE! Probably shouldn't do that!!! Every. Frigging. Goddamn. Day!!!!!! Because its been what? a whole, maybe 4 hours and I already look like I've wrestled a sea lion with my face!!! Everyday!!!!
I don't get it!!!!!! And before you think this is a cry for a compliment, just know how wrong you are! This isn't theory, this is scientific fact! When you need to be somewhere looking a little bit spiffy; for some cosmic reason beyond my explanation, you will inevitably look like gaping asshole by the time you get to the event to the time in which you get home from the event. Or at least for me this seems to be the case. No exceptions.
But then, this is the bit that really shits me... IF I go somewhere and there is no one significant around, and I'm there all day, possibly playing in mud and possibly, I don't know, climbing trees and slaying dragons?.. Ill get home, look in the mirror and look like goddamn Kate Middleton. WHAT IS THIS!!!
So Because this issue is absolutely anyone, please, if you have a solution other then digging a hole and burying myself in hope that ill grow a new face, please do, enlighten me!!  horse shit!

The lack of art to articulating unpleasant sentences.

I hope you've braced yourself for a pointless tangent because today I suggested the idea of a swear/insult jar at work, only to realise how insanely poor I would be. Which in turn made me realise how much shit I actually talk...
Now, I'm not a potty mouth gutter whore or anything but God Ol' Mighty, when you get the linguistics flowing I just can't help myself but to throw a couple 'Filthy Sluts' at people (No, I don't pick up bitches off the streets and pelt them at people, don't be silly!) ...I call people a filthy slut's... A lot... But I can't help it, it just has a nice ring to it. You filthy slut! ... And I say it in a nice way 76% of the time, so it's not like I'm actually being horrible all the time... Actually 7/10 times someone will just laugh at the minimal commitment i put to the execution of such sever words. Or the fact that I get so caught up in the moment that it becomes ridiculous... For the person laughing.. Not for me.. I think it's important.
But, come to think of it, if we keep on the point of something/something- 9/10 times I do find myself making up my own compilations of words to create insults.
...I'm trying to work out if there is some kind of system or formula to my insults but there really isn't. Basically if I want to dish something out at someone I'll pick an unattractive work like "feral" and top it with a "bitch-whore".. Which is two words but whatever. Okay, another example: "dick" and "lips" DICKLIPS! - which can be used in sentences such as "listen up dicklips, you have an ugly cat, go get a new one!".. See, simple.
Actually, now I think of it, when I get really angry I basically just team up a lot of nasty words together. Such as "Goddam tramp ass bitch whore slut"... And for real impact just drop a couple F*Bombs... They're the real kickers. - An F*Bomb is like punching a child in the face on Christmas day after they get the gift they've been wishing for all year- It's just not right, but you'd still YouTube it given the chance.
I don't know, they just add impact. But don't drop them all the time because they lose their desired effect. And I'm pretty certain that punching kids in the face is a felony so remember that too.

So basically, point of my story is, if I put my plan of insult/swear jar into motion, (which i probably wont do, but for argument sake lets say i might) Im pretty sure I'm going to be rich by next month... that or force myself to declare bankruptcy... Whatever. All I know is that, when I'm rich, I'm going to demand to have all the Hunger Game books made into movies right now and delivered to me the next day, free postage and handling.

It's like trivia night tonight!

Here's a fun fact for everyone, on Saturday some bitch reversed into my car while I was siting in it. Then had the audacity to drive off!! So here I was trying to be an outstanding daughter by going to get my mum a mothers day gift (the day before mothers day) and some slut thinks its okay to pull a not-so-swiftly hit as run on me.
Had she of stopped and given me her details it would have been hunky dory, but no. Now bitch gon' get served! OH! And she doesn't have insurance. GOOD TIMES GUYS! GOOD TIMES!
Naturally I will now go out of my way to find the most expensive quotes possible so that should be fun.
You know what else is fun? I can do last gaga bows in my hair!!
But yeah, so not only did I get reversed into, but when I got home I realised I hadn't even got anything for my mum!!!
Basically, I wasted a whole day!!!
....Then I went out till 5am and slept apart all of mothers day away... So I'm pretty sure I've got the position of daughter of the year 2012 in the bag!
Adding to that actually, I did go on Sunday to get her something, brought it home, false, didn't like it.
Awkwaaarrrddd. I've totally got this.
Fact of the matter is that from now on, no one is getting my presents!!!


Ps, here's my gaga bows!!! Cool huh!?
-more proof that I may be Re-born Jesus.

Bitches be crazy... Sad.

Over a week and I've already got my slack-bitch pants on. But whatever, I got really drunk last weekend and suffered a week long hangover... Seriously, shit got real. Those things CAN actually happen. It was legit horse shit.
The main thing I noticed from this week was my inept ability to tackle other people's grief..
Now I don't wanna put tickets on myself or anything but I'm a goddam AMAZING friend! If you need something, I've got your back; if you wanna do something, I'm there; if you go crazy, I'll join the fun. I dont even currr!
But fo real, if you are upset I should be the last person on your go-to-for-comfort list. And its not that I don't have a heart or that I don't care. You know what it is!? Do you want to know WHY it is!?? ... It's Because its dam awkward okay!!
I don't know what to say! I don't know if I should pat you on the back, and if I do should I revert to circular rubbing motions? Do I take the "I'm so sorry" approach or do I take the "fuq bitches, get money" approach? I JUST DON'T KNOW! I hate it. And when people cry, do you ask if they are okay?? Because obviously they aren't, but you can't very well just sit there in silence.
The whole upset friend thing is torture!! Like, don't get me wrong, I want bitches to tell me their problems, but don't get upset if shit gets awkward.
So for all those sad people out there, I'm sorry that there might come a time where I'm doing some weird rub-pat thing on your shoulder while you cry and I ask you if you are sad...
This is my life. You're welcome.

Girls gone not so wild?

While I, myself am flying first class on the solo plane this winter, I feel like I should shed some of my majestic light on a few of the douche bag qualities that seem to rise to the surface in the cold. And seeing as Do They Serve Champagne!? has kicked off at a spectacular speed (thank you, thank you very much), this is probably the place to disclose such things...
Basically, here are a few basic situations for all you Johnny Bravo's out there that probably wont sit too
well with le typical me and or possibly other 'down to normal' girls. So boys, pay attention.
Okay first, I get it, you see an attractive girl on Facebook through a friend of a friends, friend who you were stalking. So you add her... Normal? Yes. Go for gold. *she accepts*...Awesome! So you start up the convo with "Hey gorgeous/sweetie pie/amazing pants/sugar lips/sex." (Your typical line)... Usually works a treat?.. Wait.. no! Its doesn't? HOLD UP TURBO! Take a step back!!!... NUMBER ONE: Way to make it clear that you have added said girl because you think shes smokin and want to simply jump her bones... Lets be honest, no one starts a conversation with someone they first meet with such terms of endearment. No one!!! Its not "friendly" its "dumb"... So you're probably not off to a good start but hopefully for your sake, the girl in mention will let it slide because clearly its your first time at attempting to not be a twat bag... 
So the conversation continues with casual banter about where you came from, what school she went to, how many babies your cat had, etc etc. So next, (because your a 'total playa') you slip in the "We should catch up?" line... Naturally, the girl doesn't want to be rude so she will reply with the generic "Yeah maybe sometime" line or of whatever sorts... But because that wasn't blunt enough, you drop the "You should come cuddle and keep me warm and watch movies ;)" statement... And there we have it...an easy NUMBER TWO: Well first off, its Australia, so its not that cold. Pull your head in! Secondly, I'm sure you can keep yourself warm. Its called a blanket. Number three, clearly the casual palm off line that was previously stated wasn't hint enough for you? Given that the conversation just started and you seem like a dickhead already, its going to be a NO! for the "movie" (aka, sex/pre-sex/post-sex/sex/sex)... Number four, why are you winking!!!??? 
So skip the in between, and the girl has politely declined your offer for whatever reason. Next thing you know, you (as the boy) are getting mad at the rejection!!! Well NUMBER THREE: Remove head from ass, then speak and then maybe all your problems will go away!!... Nothing screams unattractive more then when a guy throws a "fine" or "righto" or even a "k" at you because they coped a "Nah, its late, maybe next time".... Pay attention boys; even though your answer is quite obviously a flat no, the girl in question has been kind enough to give you a little hope. Your one worded/dead reply to close the conversation (because you didn't get the sex you wanted) isn't doing you any favors!!!
And finally, when a girl gives you another chance for conversation and you start telling her about how you like her and how she should send you n00ds. Next time, before you send the request to the girl, maybe think about asking your great great grandmother to send you her's first. Because you are probably going to receive a similar reply from granny as from a down to normal girl. 

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Hold the phone, Harry's here.

Just a few things I think Ill inform you of- It's finally fireplace weather. YIPPIE! There is a genre of music called 'Bollyfunk'. Lemon berry fizz flavor cruisers are insanely sweet. Also, my feet are really hot right now. But most importantly, I think the big ol' mighty you-know-who (no, I'm not talking about Voldermort (even though its really relevant)) is sending me signs that I am in fact...Harry Potter.... That's right! Harry frigging Potter... *Kaylah Potter, if may...Now I'm not one to preach Jesus or anything like that but I shit you not, I think I'm getting signs. Yep, I said it- I am getting signs from Jesus Christ, himself... Probably even God..... I'm talking, Holy rolling, praise the Lord, I cant feel my feet, signs!!! First, I keep having these dreams about how I defy the acts of burglars by climbing trees that turn into the Weeping Willow to fight them off. Then I see a random Weeping willow (which may or may not actually be one but defiantly looked like it) on my way home from where ever I was. And then, call me maybe crazy, but I found myself at a castle.. Seriously!!!! A castle.. Shit got real.
It sounds crazy I know but next thing you know, I'm probably going to fall on my ass and land myself a scar on my head. AND THEN no one would question my logic, huh!? BELIEEEVEEE MEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'm not crazy I swear. This is the real deal. And did you know that Sabrina the Teenage Witch is being turned into a movie.. See, another sign. Okay that's it, you're all convinced. I can feel it in my waters. There's no need to tell you more. I'm Harry Potter. End of story.

My voice is a mixture of Fergie and Jesus.

Today I danced around my house singing Katy Perry's Part of Me. And by 'danced' i mean that i jumped and thrusted mid air while throwing my hands in the AYAR AY AYAR. And by 'singing' i mean shouting harmoniously from the rooftops, also known as my living room; looking similar to this guy...

So While I was doing a absolutely smashing job of sharing my Jesus-esk voice with my entire neighbourhood I may or may not change words at my own leisure. I don't even remember what I sung but I managed to change the entire meaning of the song to suit a sub context of something along the lines of Katy "blowing" in whoever's face... Awkward...
Now I'm not gonna lie, while I'm driving places I do this A LOT.. I'm talking, full blown, Celine Dion, Titanic, My heart will go on, windows down, commitment-to-the-cause type busting it out down the road. Probably more times then none, I've changed the words. Which makes me wonder if there are people in cars beside me correcting me in their heads?... If anything I think that's the beauty of music these days- change a few words and BOOM! Instant sexual!!
Its magic!

Poop party at my house :|

Good evening my little cherubs.
I'm just going to start by saying that my boobs look goddam amazing today! Seriously, they look like big ol' porn star bazoongas! Its beautiful.
.....I kid you not, my bunny, Spunky just poo'd about sixty little poo's all over my lounge. Dead set, for a little tiny bunny he is a shitting machine. If pooping was a profession, he would be the best in the business. If it were a religion, he would be the Dalai Lama of poop. And for those of you who have not experienced a rabbit peeing on you- just know that the amount is torrential! Yesterday Spunky pee'd on me and it went right through my clothes through to my underwear.. And let me tell you; there's nothing more dissatisfying then having to change not only your outfit, but also your underwear because someone else has pee'd them for you...
Basically, if you want to buy one of these majestic little puffs of fun, just remember that if its going in its mouth, its going to come out its ass in the form of about a billion pellets, that yes, occasionally your bunny will eat... And yes, it is hilarious and cute all at the same time.
To assist this issue, tonight I took to the kitchen to make Spunky a feast of carrots, cucumber, beans, tomato, corn and strawberries.. Obviously because I'm Nigella's twin.. But I bet ill regret that later when im picking up poop till the wee *no pun intended* hours of the morning!  

Technology can go eat some off Mexican!

I swear to god! I have not been able to get technology working for me tonight. First, actually not 'first' because I havnt resolved the issue, so it doesnt get the privilege of being introduced as 'first' on my list- All I want is for a goddam picture of glitter to be my background! I know how to do it, yes. But do you think that a son of a bitch photo will upload, no! THEN, some stupid mafaq utorrent search bar thing wouldnt get the hell off my screen. So i couldn't see what i was posting because it was taking up half my screen. So i deleted the hardware but do you think that the hardware was gone. NO! IT WASNT GONE DAMMIT! ... I then was like, whatever ill go work in my room. Knowing that my laptop has shit its ever so technical underpants, i got hold of my mums and decided it would do- even though the keyboard is some kind of foreign, small button crazy thing. Id make it work. Nope, that wasn't going to happen because the internet wouldnt connect. So it was a long shot but i plugged in my laptop.. And halelujah it is working! ... Okay so occasionally my mouse has a panic attach and flys around the screen. And sometimes when im writing a sentance half of the words appear three lines up or something. I dont even curr! Dis shit cray!

So heres a photo of some hot-dogs ;) to lighten the mood... And yes, I need to dress my feral little muppets (formally known as Boz and Milly) in these bad boys!

Which brings me to bigger things. Why are people still unplugging stuff from power points when they are still switched on at the wall... DO YOU WANT TO DIE!

That actually wasn't where i intended to take the "bigger things" discussion so ill just stop there.
Okay so as stated- I am 20. Which means, you would think that id be pretty much finished growing.. Right? Right? Wrong! .. One of the main things i struggle with in my life right now, is the concept of why the hell i am in the process of teething!! What is life!! I was sitting at work the other day, pondering anything but work when all of a sudden i noticed some shark like fin tooth thing poking up through my gums. I googled it... No i didn't really- My wisdom frigging teeth seem to be making an appearance. And im pretty sure my other little toothy pegs are not welcoming them into the neighborhood! Naturally, I am absolutely petrified of the dentist. So i seem to be in a small predicament. LG- Lifes good... Naaahttttt! What the feck.

..........An hour and a half later; I've changed my wallpaper.
YOU'RE WELCOME!

Well looky looky what we have here...

Where to start, where to start...  

The first post is always the most awkward. I don't know why but there is so much pressure to make some kind of hook that lours people back into reading. But I really don't care so lets get straight down to business. 

Number one, since leaving high school back in le '09- I've lost my ability to spell. That's right, I am the big TWO-OH!.. Exciting isn't it ;) .. Number two, a lot of the time I don't proof read the shit I write. Number three, this is a place of no judgement- so don't judge. Or ill find you and burn your frying pan with melted cheese! (That happened tonight and let me tell you- it is one mother of a bitch to get off!)

So this isn't my first blog but I'm getting old and therefore its about time I start a fresh.. I thought about writing a book but I get bored of things pretty fast so I figure that would probably be a waste of time.... A fun waste of time... Maybe ill do it anyway. No. Oh, and my family all think that I should make some kind of ridiculous youtube channel where I ramble all the crazy things that go on in my head- But I'm not ready for that kind of potential backlash. And as concluded tonight- I'm only funny sometimes; I mostly just watch TV. 

So basically, in hindsight I've started a new blog because my other one was about 900 years old and all soppy about feelings and problems (a general whinge) - All things that are actually VERY boring and as it turns out- aren't that significant. This way I get to show my true colours shining through, my true colours and that's why I love you... Yeah I did! ... I regret nothing. 

Now that that's out of the way you should be pretty much aware of the fact that if you follow me or casually stop by you are going to get some straight up real life mind boggling, brain boiling, bubble popping, candy party.. crazy.. muffin? bear?... words?  that come from deep in my brain! 

Shit just got real.

You're Welcome.