You're shit because you think you're shit.

The two best parts about writing a blog that has a lot of people reading it is the suspense that I'm able to build through being lazy thus resulting in sparse posts and the fact that I'm forever being interrogated as to who I'm writing about... It's great.
It's like I'm flattering people without actually flattering people. It's like meeting someone and looking up at them from my donut 20 minutes after being introduced to them to reveal that i have a magical unicorn horn. Its like getting let into the good ol' pearly gates after doing a good deed that someone else did!!!!!!!!! I'm getting carried away, I know, but c'monnnn!
I don't mean to give you the impression that I'm writing about you, in fact, I don't even know why you think I am. IN FACT, I don't even know of its a good thing that you're asking me!!
But this is my logic, so let's be real for a second. I generally write about shit; So do yourself a favor and ask that little self conscience of yours this, 'Do I think I'm generally shit?'.. Because every time someone asks me if a post is about them, it's basically telling me you have low self esteem because I write shit and you think my shit is about you, therefore you must think you're shit!... Even if you don't... I don't really care... That's just how it is!
ACTUALLY and on that note, for all you boys that think my 'girls gone not so wild' post is about you, NUFF SAID!!!!!
Excuse me for my profanities, but Holy Dicktits! While its about no one person in particular, when you ask me if it's about you, ask yourself why you would be asking me if it's about you if you've never done any of those asshole things I wrote about.. And if you have done one or two of them, or maybe all of them.. Than yes, it's is exactly about you. And you have a rite to know that you're a right cockhead. So you're welcome!

Now let the suspense cook up deep inside your bellies until you're just about ready to explode. Bake for 10 minutes then wait to cool for another 10 minutes. Once I've rid myself of lazy you may serve to guests.