Look, before I start, if anyone has met me, or simply read up on my previous blog posts, or both- dependant on how stalkerish you are (disclaimer: harmless stalkers are always welcome).. You would know I'm not one to be "woo'd"... I pretty simple, and expect nothing more than a glass of water with a topping of equal amounts of humour and a constant challenge of wit. Battle of the wit, per-say?
That being said, simple in needs doesn't mean down for sexual escapades if you bring me pizza- yes, I may contemplate its benefits- a lifetime of pizza and laughs would have its perks- but ill never go through with it.
So, when it comes to boys I like to play by the "interested people persist" concept. Which, trust me, usually is the truth. But then I start to question if by sticking to this plan of action that maybe you just seem uninterested.
Okay, so I personally like to give a little (that sounds way sluttier than it is- so again, trust me- I'm a saint- *cough*tobeginwith*cough*-..... You'll never know... Unless you persist? Oh lord, internal bracket conversations getting way too out of hand! Stahp!!) but what if 'a little' is contradicting the initial theory... OH GOD, WHY?
To hinder all internal conflict I've come up with a theory on bedroom manners... You know, the one that will stop all traffic lights from turning red when you're on your way to work... Its pure genius, I think. Baring in mind, "date" is subjective here... VERY subjective... Specifically to the bedroom. Specifically subjective? ..................Anyways...
Date one: No hands rule.
Date two: Hands are a go.
Date three: Pantsing is a go.
Date four: Whatthefuckever
Sometimes dates two and three may become an entangled mess, but hey, when in bedROME! Heh heh heh.
(Disclaimer #2: where alcohol is involved, the theory is not. Alcohol makes date one date four and date two through four and date four non existent.)
See, now this sounds way sluttier than it was meant to be. It's not I swear. Because if little to no action is taken in getting to know a girl than its completely acceptable to draw out the said bedroom dates; Eat more food, Watch more tv (in the living room) etc.
Also, before I forget and roll into a magnificent tangent of un-arranged thoughts-CLOTHING! Now, I dress appropriately in order of the "date" sequence. More working into less. For example, if the fundaments of a girls outfit are basic and Fort Knox, you're probably at date one stage. If a girls outfit is a little lacey and droolable- you've landed date two. And finally if a girl has no fundaments at all, i.e. commando/near to, you're probably between dates three-four.
Logic at its finest.
This is a well thought out plan. I'm not sure really what it's meant to accomplish. Perhaps some kind of respect barrier? I don't know. I'm sure it does great things though. Great, majestical things.
Oh, I know, it shows you that someone is interested enough by you to hopefully get to know you a little better before jumping your bones. Then again maybe they are just persistent enough to get laid. Who knows. It's all apart of the surprise.
"SURPRISE! I got laid, I never want to see you again" ....if that's the guy, aren't you glad you made him suffer a little in waiting.
See, there is some justice... A small amount.. But some none the less.
Guys can use this on girls too... I mean, I doubt they will, but it's worth a shot...
I feel like abruptly ending this post.
So, in the whimsically wise words of Jess (New Girl):
"I don't go on dates very often. Guys my age always wanna skip the date and just go right for the gold. Which I don't give them because I'm stingy with my gold. Unless they dig for it."
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH SISTA CHRISTIAN!
(Please note all irony and accept that my theory of bedroom manors is genius and will prove to be successful in gaining a few "classy points")
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Does four blogs count as four dates? If so what happens when I read the next?
ReplyDeleteNo. No happens.
ReplyDelete