One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, your own bedroom floor!!!

Being a new year, I've decided to become an advocate for getting White-Girl-Wasted*at home. Everyone loves alcohol right? Well, the older I get the more acceptable this concept gets to me. Seriously. I one hundred and ten percent am going to give this a tick of approval. Clubbing and bar hopping can go and hock a lougie on the pope for all I care. 

Binge drinking in the vicinity of your bedroom is proving to be one of the best things I've ever done. I don't even know why i haven't become accustomed to it so much earlier in life!! Even better is that its completely acceptable to get WGW* on pretty much any day of the week. Why single out weekends when you can party like its 1999 urryday!!???

Here are some examples that spring to mind. Think about it.

1. No cab fairs EVER! - I live pretty far out from the city and valley so that makes a big difference to my back pocket. Do you know how many bottles of cheap wine and vodka I can buy with that cab money!? Well let me tell you, it's about 11.4 bottles of moscato or 3 one litre bottles of vodka! And that's just if I were to catch one cab all night. 

2. At no point do you have to deal with seedy assholes trying to grope yours. 

3. All night you are going to have access to a clean and sanitary toilet. And trust me, being a girl, this is one of the few beautiful virtues that life has to offer when you've downed said 11.4 bottles of moscato ;)

4. You can wear lounge-ware! Theres no dress code for your living room!!! I mean, you can still get dressed up and look pretty but guess what? NO HEELS! Ain't no body got time for a hangover AND blisters... Am I right? Am I right?

5. You're hungry? GO TO THE KITCHEN!!! Cook up a storm. Bulk cheese. Kitchen access all night! Anytime. 

6. Your only enemy is going to be your shifty pillow that falls off the bed during the night. You wake up with a sore face but let's be real, you could be waking up with herpes from previously mentioned filthy bathrooms. So you're doing pretty well. 

7. Clothe line? Goon of fortune. Acceptable. 

8. Bloated from beer? Take your pants off. It's your house, you can do whatever the hell you want. Maybe don't even start with pants. Keep things interesting. 

9. There is no risk of drunk hook ups! And if you do decide to play a lil tonsil hockey, gurl you knew what you were getting yourself into. Its your house, and if you are drinking with people, you invited them (Hopefully).

10. Boys, AGB? That shit is sorted *pun intended. 

11. If you do decide to make it a social occasion, you get to surround yourself with people you ACTUALLY like. 

12. (Refer to #9 & #10) There is no chance that you will be running into the bastard who left you at the alter *figuratively speaking*. NONE. NADA! It's gon be a good night.

13. Oh no!!! It's only 12am and you're hideous... Who even cares. 

14. I can guarantee you that by staying home you aren't going to get a watered down version of your drink. In fact, I can almost assure you that you are probably going to get more than one standard drink per glass. 

15. Guess who's not losing all their possessions tonight. YOU!!! Yaaaay... Well you might, but you're probably going to be able to track them down easier. 

16. Whenever you walk into your kitchen or bathroom or study you can have a little chuckle because you have flashbacks of being in a drunken state and crawling on the ground trying to find more booze, or passing out there, or falling down and/or up your stairs, or hiding your friends shit in dumb places or taking a shit, I don't know! Whatever you're into! But it will make your living arrangements THAT much more hilarious. Take my word for it. 

17. No lines. For anything. Nuff said. 

AND FINALLY!!! (Because seventeen reasons to get incoherently drunk in the comfort of your house just isn't enough....)

18. Guess who's bed your waking up in?... YOUR OWN!!! (With the exception of prematurely passing out in other redick but completely acceptable places around the house)

Trust me, this is not even half of the benefits. There are so so SO many perks of getting WGW or WBW (I'm not sexist), BGW (I also don't discriminate) BBW (i don't discriminate and I am not sexist)......... At home. 

DO IT!!!! It's beautiful. You will thank me later, when you don't look at your life the same way ever again. It's like magic- you'll never know if its real until you try it, and even then it's so wonderful you second guess it ;)

Look at me, every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.

Look, the thing about being a single white girl in a big city is that every now and then I forget what I have. Yes, I forgot that I blog. Yes, I have been blogging for four years. Though in my defence, I have recently been delving into the world of vlogs. For those of you who don't know what this is, you are an idiot... Just kidding, it's video blogging. But i am yet to post anything because I'm a giant ass pansy whore. Not really. Basically. Yah.
On other pressing matters, it is a new year!!!!! Go crazy, lose your shit, take your pants off, ITS TUESDAY THE FIRST OF JANUARY!!!!
Oh my god, control yourselves.
So I actually have been busy. Christmas really took it out of me. There were just way way WAY too many family members all together in one tight little... Slot? So, I needed time to re-coop. Which I am actually yet to do because I've spent 89% of my time off work drunk!!! Thus resulting in the forgetting of said blog. - My life is challenging.
I don't really know what i have been doing since my last post because that was more than two weeks ago. And lets be honest, i don't remember much after yesterday so I'm not going to push myself.
So, that being said, to re-cap on my week and a half off work, so far, to date:
-My drunk kitchen came into play when I decided to get white girl wasted at a family gathering. The brownies didn't turn out. To say the least.
-I've spent a few days at the coast. Drunk.
- I reversed into, I kid you not, a boulder!!! A huge mother of a rock just left to some persons driveway that i was turing around in. No damage was done. I think it hit my tire. I don't know. Who has a boulder in their front yard anyways!!! It was a very confusing chain of events.
-I made a roady to go to the beach for a midnight stroll. Drunk. It tasted like the inside of a rubber glove.
-I've read some really good books. Nerd alert- The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, great book. Hopeless, another great book. The Fault In Our Stars, probably one of the best books I've ever read.
-I wrote a blog about those radio hosts that were getting the blame for a lady killing herself. Didn't post it. Couldn't be bothered to sign into blogger... Because that's the kinda girl I am! A time wasting one.
-I keep forgetting to pay a stupid bill that collects so much interest I'm going to have to whore myself to pay off.
-I passed out on a kitchen floor.... On more than one occasion.
-Ive taken Instagram, a lot. @kaylahb ... Do it.
-Oh, I dyed my blonde regrowth brown and it went bright orange.. That was fun. But I fixed it... About twenty minutes ago... Yes, I had to wear a party at at my New Years festivities to hide my fluro GT stripe. I'm quiet to regret a thing.
That's about it now that I think about it. Yep, I am living the dream.
I'm done. Nuff said. Adios. Here's a lol somethin' somethin' I've thrown together to show you the awesome time I've been having!! You're welcome.
Oh wait, before you go... Would you like some tea before you leave?